Looking at the rain clouds...
My past, replays in my mind like a movie-wheeler
One moment, it doesn't seem like it was
Gonna rain...
But, it's been almost too long...
No matter where i stood,
I could still hear the storm.

The hearts of people,
Anticipating for it to pour,
Beats into a rhythm of doubts and fears...

People live lifes on a highway.
Not knowing what lies ahead was the end of it.
People always wait for something which inevitably
Becomes nothing in the end...

<28my06>

The minutes went on and on... After a distance, another appears.
An unfinishing journey sort of.
The grief in my heart contains emptiness.
On this spacious realm, i lie...
What can be done is done

I tried to keep the picture safe and sound in mind.
The picture of the loss i've buried in...

See the wind consoling nature...
She was there lying in the deepest pit of neglect.
But another story was told... Like a witness bearing the truth,
Who couldn't gather her own nerves to testify...
To someone who's breaking before her own eyes

The longest moments in the last of days.
The meanest pain to face...
She was looking for a turn in that end.
Unfortunately, she died a cruel death.

I'm talking about death...
I'm grieving... For the one i use to trust my feelings with.
She's watched me smile, seen me cry...
Tasted my tears, understood my fears...
But i let her down when all of it comes to her.
By right, i should be the one cast down.
The truth are written in an alienated language...
For the heart only speaks to heart.

No proper burial to ease her pain,
To bury her trace... Totally exposed.
All because i couldn't afford time.

I woke up in the middle of quietness
Dealing with time...
Simply indulging into the
Soothness of the flow of moments.

The blues had kept me sane...
I'm no more tracing my past
Pain, is like the people walking in the city streets
Like the candy held in a little boy's hand
Like the air we breathe in today,
Yesterday... And forever.

Joy, like the first streak of dawn...
Like the moments we cherished...
Like the thoughts that go through our minds

Pain... So ordinary. Joy... So temporal.

<22may06>

No Longer

No longer will i be condemned
No longer will i be tossed around
By waves of uncertainties

What the world gives only restrain me
Only Your truth can set me free
From what i can't see

No longer will i be forsaken
No longer will i be faraway
From the life You have
For me...

For You died on the cross
Turned death into victory
For You died on that cross
We're no longer enslaved to sin...

You are beautiful.

<14may06>

Colourful Days

What you see is what you get.
But we are to walk by faith
Not by sight...

Colours can be only one or many
Depending...
Only decided by the eye of
Our heart...

Love, what's real and what's not
What's empty, what's full
What's bitter, what's sweet
Because... It is life's content.

Pain and joy,
Can both tear ur apart
Or satisfies one's desire...
Neglect neither one.

[2006] Faded In The End

I'll forget the past
I ain't coming back to the old
I'm introducing myself, again...
With my heart sewed,
Let's start all anew

Sorry was all i said,
Love...
Finally gave me a slap
I'm taking the fault
I didn't give a lot.
I found feelings growing inside
My broken heart...
After i let you go

Yeah i got you...
Now i'm dying for you
I'm all messed up because i know i'm flling

I'm long gone from this depressing realm...
Happiness can only be pursued with
Simplicity and sincerity

Finally, something's a certain.
I can now move forward.

<15jan06>

I'm like a sleazy child,
Of no value whatsoever
Tripping here and there..
Been falling easily on things that are
Weak disguised as strong
Never needed the compliments.

I, myself knows what's within
Is the only on ethat mtters...
I will be blind for his one hope
I will be patience for this one timid chance of happiness...

Yet...

Until then, misery will be in the corners
Prepared to take over everytime
As hope loses its grip.

<6jan06>

The wind plays strings of melody in the air
I felt secure... for a moment.
When sudenly it stops...
As if a string broke, interrupted the mood
Then my cold breath was heard

Folding my arms around my legs
Embracing this soothing peace
Before it slip away... again

My dear past... was somehow
Unforgetable.
Changes are urging me to put it all away
My heart clearly knows its desires
What's hindering was doubts of the mind

My dreams were limited by words
A new beginning's starting from
The end of another beginning...

<15dec05'>

" In your patience possessed your souls..."

Lingering here...
I'm hopelessly, confused
Realized... I'm actually
Waiting for nothing
Forsaking the truth has led me here.
Astrayed into darkness
Bitterness tug me in
Reminding me there's no way out.
But i don't deny it,
I find comfort there
Without knowing that the silence
Makes my heart beats weaker...

" Awake, O sleeper...
Rise up from the dead,
Stand up for what is right,
Search for the light "

So i'm on my way...
Letting my past behind

Here i am...
By the gates to new life.
It's gonna be the end for
The spreading of darkness over me.
The sun wont go down
Till i've reached my destiny.

I'll still be me...
Only being in a different place
Living with a different mind

I'll be free.

<30nov05'>

Now its still a day...
I'm able to forget about pain.
But i start to miss it at night.
I want it to be with me forever.
Sometimes... I need a break
Away from you.
I'd get obsessed with you.

Well i was... not now.
I'm happy now.

<4nov05'>

I'm here, on the edge of life again...
Don't seem to know what to do next
Starting to realize what i want
I'm finally reaching the end of this
Yet, to accept the fact,
Will be another journey ahead...

You called up to let me know,
I was stupid waiting for nothing...
Breaking when you don't even understand
My pain...
Surrendering all i have just to feel
Your love for me again..

Now... I'm waiting for the day
I'll say ' this is my last cry '
I didn't fall...
I'm just lying beneath
The ruins of my broken core.

One mere touch from another's emotions
Can do so much damage
To my heart...
Unmendable...
Yet, forgetable.

<3nov05>

These days,
Thoughts in my mind are rioting.
Only spaces between enables me to focus
On one bit
Because even as i speak,
I speak with no purpose.

People around me,
Tend to hurt me.
I used to stay low doing nothing...
Until i realized my pain
When scars are revealing
I became inferior to words.

I used to be still,
Everything was fine by pretend.
I'm now like a fool,
Rushing into matters which don't really matter.

<24oct05>

Pain

Yes... This is the feelings i've felt before.

This is familiar...
Words without intention,
Emotions without commitment,
Petty feelings that make me weak...
I ain't falling.

Just drifted back to where it started.
I'm just complicating every feelings
That swims by...
I've left simplicity long time ago.
Can't turn back anymore...
With what strength i have now,
I'm just not capable to
Be strong now...

To admit this feeling within,
Sounds absurd.
Because i was always denying nonsense
Like.. love.
Well, i am in love.
With a shadow,
A hopeless dream,
Empty wish,
Troublesome pain.

Come what may...
Cause it'll all be the same.
Till i feel what's real again,
I might as well acknowledge that
Love... is pain.

<7oct05>

( It's just the surface... )

What is it... that makes you itch
In your heart, in your wounds...
Don't get infected...
These are just tears
Dried out, leaving traces all over her face...
Migraine... piercing through my head
Death don't seem painful no more
Now that i'm dead within.

Yet, this is just the surface...
Ugliness to disguise the
Pain twisting inside,
Heart and soul collide.

A dark clover,
Impatience,
watch her fall... crawl
Listen to her cry, every night
Enjoyed every moment of her being dead,
Alive.

<4oct05>

Someone approached me,
Into my life...
But words remain words.

What if i told you,
I couldn't get use to
Anything this good...
Not use to you,
But history...

The past still seems to linger.
The hurts, the feelings
Hovering around me.
My days will wind down
Whenever i got a hold of a part of it,
And not doing anything to express it out.

So, i found hope in other's joy.
I don't blame anyone for what
I'm bearing.
I'm just glad experiences let me see
What's coming.

<28sep05>

I'm stripping away...
From the light.
Tearing myself down
With my own might.
Thought i could just find...
Satisfaction.
Willing to face cruel rejection.

These days go on...
I feel weak.
Nothing to sleep on
These days..

Just kept going on and on...

I'm feeling all i want,
Being brought to the wrong direction.
Never thought of turning back yet.
Thought i could do that in the end.
But this wasn't temporal addiction...

I had to flow with what i chose,
Hoping that i got nothing to lose.

I... Slipped away just like that,
Guess i don't want to see you again.
I... Know this is the side effect,
Love is only a disease bringing pain.

But i... Can't be selfish
To put love that way
Though it hurt me...

I'll go through it all.
If i could just say,
I've let it go...

<21sep05>

Was made beautiful,
Everyday was colourful
My dawns were always new
Life was amicable...

Threw it all,
Gave it up
By being a fool
In love... with you

Lost all words
Whatever said was just
Obscuring clouds
Causing my life to be surround
By darkness...

Life became dreadful,
Dragging history along,
Couln't stop stumbling..
To cut it off would make
No difference
Because i already had it all stored
In the wounds of
My heart, soul and mind...

Weariness under my eyes...
Exhaustion under my breathe...
Shows nothing

But regret...

<18sep05>

I see that girl...
From another black white world,
On the abandoned streets
Picking up bits of her life, all along.
I can tell,
She's broken.
She fell somewhere,
But managed to return to reality
In one piece.

Is it possible to forget what she's gone through...

Love, deceived her
When she started believing its existence.
Since then she fear to trust again.
People can't see it.
What's bleeding inside,
What's stirring within.
But she grips on to the freedom of her own,
She has to decide...

She's dying to leave that place...
To runaway.
She's crawling in darkness
Not letting herself fade away.

The sun rises and set again,
Can't believe she's still on her feet
Can't deny it feels good to bleed
Time comforted her in its ways...

She thought to herself,
She hasn't had enough of it.
To struggle against herself,
To bear fatigue and sadness...

All for the better...
To be stronger.

Look around you now...
Do you have everything?
You've been through it...
Changes has left you with nothing
But memories.

Maybe you're still in your dreams
Unable to perceive history~

Someone once told me,
That there's always a certain something
Somewhere...

Be still , to difficulties
Be true, to dishonesty
Be tolerant, to narrow thoughts

<28aug05>

" Can't forget the negatives, that's what i'm good at.
I hate what i'm turning into but a part of it satisfies
me. Until i find my way back, i'll make it up to you...
Now i just wanna go astray..."

How can i...
Prefer to go astray
Don't blame no one,
For i've gone insane
Pouring what's inside of me again
While knowing no one truly cares
My days were sad
I feel pain everyday,
Till i don't feel a thing
My words becomes plain,
Till i can say no more
Within me,
Are ashes of my desires
Weeping... so softly

Oh God...
Oh God...

<20aug05>