[2006] Faded In The End

I'll forget the past
I ain't coming back to the old
I'm introducing myself, again...
With my heart sewed,
Let's start all anew

Sorry was all i said,
Love...
Finally gave me a slap
I'm taking the fault
I didn't give a lot.
I found feelings growing inside
My broken heart...
After i let you go

Yeah i got you...
Now i'm dying for you
I'm all messed up because i know i'm flling

I'm long gone from this depressing realm...
Happiness can only be pursued with
Simplicity and sincerity

Finally, something's a certain.
I can now move forward.

<15jan06>

I'm like a sleazy child,
Of no value whatsoever
Tripping here and there..
Been falling easily on things that are
Weak disguised as strong
Never needed the compliments.

I, myself knows what's within
Is the only on ethat mtters...
I will be blind for his one hope
I will be patience for this one timid chance of happiness...

Yet...

Until then, misery will be in the corners
Prepared to take over everytime
As hope loses its grip.

<6jan06>

The wind plays strings of melody in the air
I felt secure... for a moment.
When sudenly it stops...
As if a string broke, interrupted the mood
Then my cold breath was heard

Folding my arms around my legs
Embracing this soothing peace
Before it slip away... again

My dear past... was somehow
Unforgetable.
Changes are urging me to put it all away
My heart clearly knows its desires
What's hindering was doubts of the mind

My dreams were limited by words
A new beginning's starting from
The end of another beginning...

<15dec05'>

" In your patience possessed your souls..."

Lingering here...
I'm hopelessly, confused
Realized... I'm actually
Waiting for nothing
Forsaking the truth has led me here.
Astrayed into darkness
Bitterness tug me in
Reminding me there's no way out.
But i don't deny it,
I find comfort there
Without knowing that the silence
Makes my heart beats weaker...

" Awake, O sleeper...
Rise up from the dead,
Stand up for what is right,
Search for the light "

So i'm on my way...
Letting my past behind

Here i am...
By the gates to new life.
It's gonna be the end for
The spreading of darkness over me.
The sun wont go down
Till i've reached my destiny.

I'll still be me...
Only being in a different place
Living with a different mind

I'll be free.

<30nov05'>

Now its still a day...
I'm able to forget about pain.
But i start to miss it at night.
I want it to be with me forever.
Sometimes... I need a break
Away from you.
I'd get obsessed with you.

Well i was... not now.
I'm happy now.

<4nov05'>

I'm here, on the edge of life again...
Don't seem to know what to do next
Starting to realize what i want
I'm finally reaching the end of this
Yet, to accept the fact,
Will be another journey ahead...

You called up to let me know,
I was stupid waiting for nothing...
Breaking when you don't even understand
My pain...
Surrendering all i have just to feel
Your love for me again..

Now... I'm waiting for the day
I'll say ' this is my last cry '
I didn't fall...
I'm just lying beneath
The ruins of my broken core.

One mere touch from another's emotions
Can do so much damage
To my heart...
Unmendable...
Yet, forgetable.

<3nov05>

These days,
Thoughts in my mind are rioting.
Only spaces between enables me to focus
On one bit
Because even as i speak,
I speak with no purpose.

People around me,
Tend to hurt me.
I used to stay low doing nothing...
Until i realized my pain
When scars are revealing
I became inferior to words.

I used to be still,
Everything was fine by pretend.
I'm now like a fool,
Rushing into matters which don't really matter.

<24oct05>

Pain

Yes... This is the feelings i've felt before.

This is familiar...
Words without intention,
Emotions without commitment,
Petty feelings that make me weak...
I ain't falling.

Just drifted back to where it started.
I'm just complicating every feelings
That swims by...
I've left simplicity long time ago.
Can't turn back anymore...
With what strength i have now,
I'm just not capable to
Be strong now...

To admit this feeling within,
Sounds absurd.
Because i was always denying nonsense
Like.. love.
Well, i am in love.
With a shadow,
A hopeless dream,
Empty wish,
Troublesome pain.

Come what may...
Cause it'll all be the same.
Till i feel what's real again,
I might as well acknowledge that
Love... is pain.

<7oct05>

( It's just the surface... )

What is it... that makes you itch
In your heart, in your wounds...
Don't get infected...
These are just tears
Dried out, leaving traces all over her face...
Migraine... piercing through my head
Death don't seem painful no more
Now that i'm dead within.

Yet, this is just the surface...
Ugliness to disguise the
Pain twisting inside,
Heart and soul collide.

A dark clover,
Impatience,
watch her fall... crawl
Listen to her cry, every night
Enjoyed every moment of her being dead,
Alive.

<4oct05>

Someone approached me,
Into my life...
But words remain words.

What if i told you,
I couldn't get use to
Anything this good...
Not use to you,
But history...

The past still seems to linger.
The hurts, the feelings
Hovering around me.
My days will wind down
Whenever i got a hold of a part of it,
And not doing anything to express it out.

So, i found hope in other's joy.
I don't blame anyone for what
I'm bearing.
I'm just glad experiences let me see
What's coming.

<28sep05>

I'm stripping away...
From the light.
Tearing myself down
With my own might.
Thought i could just find...
Satisfaction.
Willing to face cruel rejection.

These days go on...
I feel weak.
Nothing to sleep on
These days..

Just kept going on and on...

I'm feeling all i want,
Being brought to the wrong direction.
Never thought of turning back yet.
Thought i could do that in the end.
But this wasn't temporal addiction...

I had to flow with what i chose,
Hoping that i got nothing to lose.

I... Slipped away just like that,
Guess i don't want to see you again.
I... Know this is the side effect,
Love is only a disease bringing pain.

But i... Can't be selfish
To put love that way
Though it hurt me...

I'll go through it all.
If i could just say,
I've let it go...

<21sep05>

Was made beautiful,
Everyday was colourful
My dawns were always new
Life was amicable...

Threw it all,
Gave it up
By being a fool
In love... with you

Lost all words
Whatever said was just
Obscuring clouds
Causing my life to be surround
By darkness...

Life became dreadful,
Dragging history along,
Couln't stop stumbling..
To cut it off would make
No difference
Because i already had it all stored
In the wounds of
My heart, soul and mind...

Weariness under my eyes...
Exhaustion under my breathe...
Shows nothing

But regret...

<18sep05>

I see that girl...
From another black white world,
On the abandoned streets
Picking up bits of her life, all along.
I can tell,
She's broken.
She fell somewhere,
But managed to return to reality
In one piece.

Is it possible to forget what she's gone through...

Love, deceived her
When she started believing its existence.
Since then she fear to trust again.
People can't see it.
What's bleeding inside,
What's stirring within.
But she grips on to the freedom of her own,
She has to decide...

She's dying to leave that place...
To runaway.
She's crawling in darkness
Not letting herself fade away.

The sun rises and set again,
Can't believe she's still on her feet
Can't deny it feels good to bleed
Time comforted her in its ways...

She thought to herself,
She hasn't had enough of it.
To struggle against herself,
To bear fatigue and sadness...

All for the better...
To be stronger.

Look around you now...
Do you have everything?
You've been through it...
Changes has left you with nothing
But memories.

Maybe you're still in your dreams
Unable to perceive history~

Someone once told me,
That there's always a certain something
Somewhere...

Be still , to difficulties
Be true, to dishonesty
Be tolerant, to narrow thoughts

<28aug05>

" Can't forget the negatives, that's what i'm good at.
I hate what i'm turning into but a part of it satisfies
me. Until i find my way back, i'll make it up to you...
Now i just wanna go astray..."

How can i...
Prefer to go astray
Don't blame no one,
For i've gone insane
Pouring what's inside of me again
While knowing no one truly cares
My days were sad
I feel pain everyday,
Till i don't feel a thing
My words becomes plain,
Till i can say no more
Within me,
Are ashes of my desires
Weeping... so softly

Oh God...
Oh God...

<20aug05>

It was just a minute ago,
I learnt how to fly,
Embracing love in the sky...

My heart thought,
I'd be free without pain,
When I'm up so high...

Thrusting my every bit of strength,
To reach the heavens,
Where there'd be only you and i...

But the days came with confusion and bitterness...

It was just a minute ago,
I started believing the very existence of love,
You weren't holding on anymore...
You couldn't think straight no more,
And happiness was shoved aside...

It was just a minute ago,
Our world was breaking apart,
You threw words to break my heart...
Love slipped, Shame fits...

It was just a minute ago,
I got up from my bed,
Wiping the tears streaming down my face...
Mortified love,
Aimless race,
Could've cause me a lifetime of despair...

<8aug05>

A story has to be made,
Before its given a title;
An ending there must be,
Before a beginnning;
A value determined,
Piceless became valuable;
A drop of tear,
darkness exposed to light;
A bloodshed war,
Strong spirits rise;
A long deep breath,
confusion settles itself;
A roaring thunder,
Silence take over;
A beautiful song,
Gathers all tongues as one;

A drop of opprtunity,
Be the centre of unity.

<9aug05>

I'm no more existing in your mind.
No more memories to find.
I'm missing a shadow...
The one i fell upon for the first time.

Before it began, you were long gone.
Wish to die, than to face hell alone.
I couldn't hide my weariness...

<8aug05>

First mistke,

Trusted a total stranger

For love...

Remembering myself walking aimlessly

On the streets of boredom..

Met a fatal opportunity,

Fell towards misery.

Heartbreak...

Drove the negatives out of me.

Selfish, senseless,

Emotional, sensitive...

Led myself into simplicity.

<1aug05>

We've slowed down the pace,
giving up this race...
We're much more sober now.

Guess, the end was too far away.
We couldn't find the words to say.
We were standing in the way.
Where the world's pushing in
the same direction...
Some broke down,
Some carried on;
There's no space for us to lay.
So little time, so much to decide.

No path is ever straight.
Nothing's certain but,
We can definitely choose our fate.

<28july05>

I'm not a healthy person,
Living in this wasteland.
Picture a prison, with your heart
Caged inside...

Breathe in what's dead,
what's depressing...
Cold blooded faces smirking at me,
Poison kisses chanting away my sanity...
I'm behind solid bars.

A desperate desire...
To ever feel the scent of
what's laid outside of my world
Again.
Distraught by the screams and cries of my hope,
as it sank down into the darkness.
It's so hard to help myself
not to break down in this place...

I was already dead within.
My soul...
Left here singing.

Choose to repent.

<1may05>

On The 14th Day

I wont let you fall alone...

Because of what she did,
I learnt to cry only in the dark.
To carry myself up,
To care less of my own wounds...
For they worth no attention.

I learnt to hold on when every one gives up;
To let go when every one gets on;
To love no matter what, when or why;
To be strong and ever ready to lift another load..

But i can never gripe that no one can share mine~
<20april05>

It's been so long...
Since i trip myself like this.
One second feels like a thousand years.
It does feel good to let it all out sometimes.

No matter how hard i try,
I couldn't erase the load my heart had to bear.
I know my beginnings, i know my ends

People will understand... One day.
<15april05>

I'm faraway... Miles away...
So weary.
Don't know what to say.
Just wanna be myself again.

What am i waiting for...
It couldn't be you.
I don't feel like myself no more.
I changed and i just can't ignore
the way you look at me...
I've told myself before,
these feelings come n gone.
and it held my heart from falling.
I am strong...
Love should be good.
I will carry on... <7april05>

A Taste of Heartbrokenness

Gave in to this feeling,
Tasted a part of its bitterness,
And it's already killing me.
I can feel weakness crawling in me...
But i asked for it.
The joy of experiencing what i've yearned for
will soon be overwhelmed by sadness.

I know you feel it too...
But i've lost all words to defend for myself.
This ain't no song or inspiration...
But an unnecessary torture i get.

Couldn't reject nor deny the pain consuming me,
thus, i agreed .. again. <28mac05>

People...
they just don't want to hear your story.
they don care.
When its hard being in this place
with this kinda feeling.
Very few tried to understand,
nor tried to care.
Guess i shouldn't try so hard myself.

All that i've bottled up inside,
will remain as it is...
In my world,
I'll wait.
<9mar05>

The Beginning Of Weird Emotions

When we found something special in each other,
We tend to know more about each other.
When we get along well,
To the love pit is where we fell.

Exchanging pieces of our hearts,
Came responsibilities..
But we're happy. For the moment.

Day by day, i can't believe
I still feel empty.
My old soul flew back to me,
telling me it all was'nt reality.
<6mar05>

Tellin A Lie

Im telling another lie,
wish i could stop it now.
whatever loss and regrets,
soon will be mine to bear...
to lose trust from everyone,
to feel bad for what i've done.

Time given to repent has already come and gone...
Im lost in this situation
Cause i can't get it out of my mind.

I've lose control over my life,
I fell and hurt myself
Because i didn't walk straight in line
A lie lingers...
guilt haunts...

I know what i want,
i yearn for it...
Now that i have what i wanted,
i had to die for it...

To think about all the good times i could have,
All the freedom that i lack,
Happy moments to mend my stress...
I was hoping to get no more less.
For once i feel special,
Free at last...
But what i see now was just a tiny hole...
Before i realize
It was a great deep trap.

Devil i have met,
No more suicide will i attempt.
Lesson learnt was to tell no more lies,
so that i can lift my head up high.

(Im telling another lie)
(wish i could stop it now)

and i did...
<8jan05>

New Year

The breeze of January walked pass me,
Yet i still don't feel what i should feel,
I can't see what's comin ahead...
Everything's been the same old same.

Changes are lyin ahead,
Knew i had to be ready for it,
Bring me along,
Towards the new life i've come so far to live.
<2jan05>