Grey Area

I'm back in my isolation
The screams in my heart
Whispers softly to God
I couldn't be sure of
What i asked of Him

I wished i never have to go through this kind of life...
Which made me so use to holding onto my regrets, scars and hurts
If i never knew You, i wouldn't have hold back
I could've run away... I would've destroyed myself and face
Remorse alone...

It's be the same...
I'm weak... mentally, spiritually.
But i fear to die. It's a ridicule.
I'm weak. I'm afraid and i don't want to be overcome by
the darkness.
I don't want to obtain strength from it to retaliate.
Neither obtain strength from God to hold back.

I'm in the grey area...
I have my own desires...

More to come, I kept it to myself.